Voices

I can’t drown out the voices.
My heart aches with every berated painful word that keeps coming at me.

“He broke up with you”
“He doesn’t like you”
“You did this to yourself”
“He doesn’t want to talk to you”

My eyes filled with tears, threatened to spill over.

“He doesn’t care anymore”
“No no. Don’t listen to all that”
” He still is here. He’s not leaving”
” You’re not good enough for him”
“He didn’t understand from my side”

I try to push away thoughts of him leaving me. He still does love me don’t he?

“Stop. Please, stop.”
“He already told you he’ll be around”
“Why are you making your heart hurt?”
” Why do you keep lying to yourself? So that you’ll believe it?”
” He knows you’re torturing yourself…”
“He doesn’t know what you really wanted to say.”
“You want him to know but you don’t know if he’ll believe and understand.”
“Its not the same anymore…”

I’m so afraid. I know that my mental state has not gotten better. My over-thinking is not getting any less.
Its the third time someone has given me a cold shoulder. The last 2 times, they had someone new. Can you understand why I think you’re leaving me? That you have someone… New? I’m going through that again.

I need assurance.
Every small little thing makes me over- think. I have no ground to be tied upon.

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