Emotionally naked

People would say that it means… “vulnerable”
But I would tell you it goes deeper.

My shield stayed close to my chest,
Even as I laid my head down.
It moulded into the shape I curl up to.
My hands fidgeted
My eyes was the source.
A steady river.

I tried to be metal
Fight each one that came,
But oxygen came in short intervals.
Each side I turned to,
Was no way out, ambushed.

I put my shield behind me,
Turned to the blank space.
Let the sharps drive into my chest.
I felt pieces dropping out.
Arms, to keep my shape together.
Cloth to make me feel safer.

Believe me,
When I say,
I’m not strong enough.
When my thoughts don’t kill me first
And silence is comfort,
Hope killed me still.

I still held on to that…
Spoonful of believe
Balloons of hope
Candy of anguish.

And maybe, just maybe,
One day, a body of love
Would be my shield instead at night.
My eyes would not be clouded.
It wouldn’t rain every other night,
To lull me to sleep.

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