Sometimes I just want to pack up and throw everything away.
Or maybe just pack and leave everything behind. Create a new life. Pretend that my past was just a Bad dream. You know, walk away from it all.
I can’t keep going on. Living my life, waiting and rotting my heart away. I just don’t want to keep going through the whole phase of being numb and in pain again and again. There is nothing constant in my life except the memories that can hurt me. That’s the only thing that keeps me alive, the pain. It reminds me I’m still living. Living in a damn hell.
I keep cutting the rope. Over and over. But it keeps binding back together and holds firm. It just won’t stay cut apart. The only glue that bind so tight is hope In your words. Though your actions are just… Different. But my heart remains faithful and hopeful. I don’t know why.
Right now I’m so damn frustrated, I want to tear my chest open, and punch my heart till it bleeds out and stops beating.
Because… Because it just keeps clawing me from the inside silently and excruciatingly.
I can’t cry. My tear duct dried up.
I can’t feel. My body fed with anaesthetic.
I can’t think. Not properly. Thoughts shape shift and change so swiftly that there is no point in trying to keep my head together.
I shouldn’t… No…
Pain to overtake pain.