Loving you

I know that its hard for the both of us. But I really want you to know that you are never off my mind.

I fantasize about you countless of times at intervals of memories, that playback and make me smile like an idiot that has a damn good relationship when we have none.

I think of you when the sun rises and when the clock strikes midnight and I’m still up in bed. Everywhere I go, I have something on me that reminds me of you. You are the most precious one in my life. I don’t know if you read this blog or check it as often as I check your Hello poetry page. If you are reading this, I think by now you know how much I love you and how much you mean to me.

But you don’t know the thoughts that invade my mind.

Yes, I hope that we are together. Not to forget to mention that I would want it to last till marriage.

When something makes me happy or sad, You would be the first one I wanted to tell.

The euphoria when I am reaching the doors that would let my eyes set upon you and your scent that makes my heart skip a beat. Your voice makes me smile and make me want to stand there, leaning on the shelf and watch you work.

Yet, I feel insecure. Maybe cause I have not been loved by a man. A male figure that love me deeply. Because every guy that came into my life has broken parts of me that made me wary of trusting any man. You, are the only guy that have earned that much of my trust and have not let me down.

Sometimes, when the darkness gets the better of me, I refuse to let them win and take over. Knowing that you would never EVER do anything to hurt me. Not even poke me with a needle.

We went through a rough patch in our relationship and friendship, and there are things that I don’t understand why we did not continue. I guess it is like how you don’t understand how my mind works, that I don’t understand your reasons. Though you say you find it poisonous that you have given me the hope of one day, my happy ever after might come true, I can’t let go of that one hope that you wound around my wrist. Trust me when I say I have tried to get over you. I put my schedule so tightly packed to drain myself out and yet my mind could still paint a perfectly crazy fantasy or a dream that is as M18 and romantic as it can get.

The harder I try, the more I rebound and deeper my feelings become for you. My desire to hold you and tell you how much I love you gets over-whelming, that I almost did it right there at work. The amount of insecure feelings build up when I get a nightmare and reality doesn’t help to clarify that its all a hoax.

How can we be best friends when we have all this feelings for each other? I’m so frustrated to know that we were that close and yet, we fell off the pit. Its 1:09am. I’m wide awake with an aching heart. Thinking of you, hoping in this rainy weather I could be in your arms. You’re probably in bed, fell asleep before you could have replied me. I hope you have a sweet dream. I love you dragon.

Your one and only dolphin.

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