Many people who have seen my full name, ask me about my first name. I always tell them I don’t use that first name, so I don’t want to tell them how its pronounced.
That is why I used my middle name instead, because no one can pronounce the first. But there is a story behind it. If anyone calls me by my first name or tries to pronounce it, I get uneasy. For the fact that, the girl with the name they try to pronounce is dead. She no longer lived. She died with suffering. I killed her. That’s why Joy is alive. Joy was someone many did not know. The girl with the unique name has suffered many ordeals that ending her pain permanently seems like the only way. I’m sure she is happy somewhere.
I see her sometimes though. When I look into the mirror. Her eyes staring back, trying to guide me.


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