A glass full of trinkets

I think…

Sometimes, it is a blessing to have no voice.

Maybe…

Words are not meant to be said and feelings not meant to be expressed

That…

People sometimes need to have their space and live in their bubble.

I’m…

Never gonna understand how it is being loved by a dad.

Cursed…

To be a punching bag of endless cutting words and locked in a barb wire cage.


I won’t say I’m not in the wrong, and I won’t say that I’m right, nor am I able to handle this. But I feel so suffocated in my own house. I feel suffocated in my own head that I finally understood that I can’t blame myself for having depression. I don’t want to blame anyone else too but i know it is a build up of so many things that even a glass bottle would break under such pressure. The only way I knew how to go about it was to let it out through the tears when my heart is too heavy to carry the emotional load. I knew that the tears would numb me so bad that I’m unable to think and function properly when I wake from my scene of crime from the night of wet salty pillows.

I was getting better. Honestly. But one can’t heal completely without scars. Especially scars that can reopen again. I promise to help myself and know my limits, but if people don’t let me try and let me break free from the ropes they tied me in, how will I be able to learn for myself?

So many times words cut into me when people say things and I quietly take it in, never fast to retaliate or defend when I can control. Sometimes, I hoped that i have more strength to hold it in and not say anything and deal with it myself, but, I never had someone there to hold me and tell me that i’m strong enough to have gone through it and yet still able to stand up. I had to tell myself that I have to be independent. I guess what I’m saying is that I never had the love that many children have and I feel like a child still, sometimes, hoping for the love and attention I never got. I don’t know how I got through so much, I pray for strength that I can continue to take the pain and crap people throw in my way. I know that this is just a little obstacle – that’s me trying to be positive- but I will get through this, I know I can. I just need to stay strong.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s