Overcoming pain

How i overcome pain, is by using more pain.

Its not the best way, in fact, the worse.

I self-destruct.

Whenever life throws me a tough ball at my heart, I’m stunned. I don’t know what to do, i just sit there with my heart in my hands and let my tears run on the veins of my bleeding heart.

That’s what they mean by adding salt to the wound right?

Come night, and i would be in bed, hugging my pillow close to my chest, a self-saving mechanism I picked up in my high school years, and talk myself to sleep. I felt that i needed to save my own heart by preventing it from breaking apart even though it has already been broken into many pieces and glued back.

It just wasn’t sufficient. I always hurt myself with words, self-blaming played a big role but deep down i was just so sick of it, i just wanted to blame someone else, make someone else take the blame to release my heart from all the hurtful things it has to carry. What a lie i am living.

But, we are all made to survive, and i did so by holding all my pain in, tolerating all the things people throw in my face. Hoping it would all stop, planning an escape. It never really works right?

Thats why i take comfort from the night, when the world is at its quietest, and the only sound i hear, is the change of the rhythm of my heart. Where it could just take a rest before facing the harsh world again.

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