Choking 

For a week, I’ve been so emotionally numb, but today, i woke up with no chest pains, no pounding heart. Needless to say, it means change, and i started to hyperventilate and cry, sobbing and choking back on my tears the whole time in school. 

I realised how much pain i was in, but I don’t want to fall into the dark side, and cry every night, I don’t want to fall in that hole again. I can’t. I won’t. 

Its easy to slip back, but not easy to stay afloat. But, i trust my love for him to help me get to the positive me, to the positive us, to our future. 

I keep reading our old conversations, and our memories flood my mind at every second. Sometimes the pain is overwhelming, but i tell myself not to run away anymore, to face things and not let it slide and pretend nothing happened. Because something did, and i have to face it, not be the old me. 

I tried to start on meditation, and i plan to continue to help relieve the negativity in me. I just hope that he will be able to see that I’m trying and I’m getting there. 

So many things happened lately, things i did not expect. But I’m trying to fight head on, reminding myself each time that i can get through it. I’ve done research and tried practicing and i hope it that soon, it will be fruitful. 

I love you baby, and I’m not giving up. Thats my promise to you. 

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