Directions

I miss your scoldings. 

Your “look at the positive side” lectures and the “i love you, we can fight this” make up after. 

Now, i just feel lost, without a map, without direction. I had you to steer me in the right way, but now, all i have, to give me hope for a change is my 7 rules and 5 grateful things.

It still hurts. Feeling so emotionally tired, and my chest empty cause my heart is still with you, but i am shattering every second of every day. 

Now that i am emotionally numb, i fear to feel again. Anything that gets me overthinking and restless or worried is a trigger for a anxiety attack. Its really not that exciting.

It makes me choke on tears that wouldn’t stream down my cheeks and the ache of not having to be in your arms shreds me to pieces. 

I don’t want to drop back in that abyss you pulled me out from. I need help. I really do. I need you. 

I miss you. You’re the arrow that points me to the right direction. The map to becoming a better person. My life compass. I don’t want to be lost. I don’t anymore. 

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