Cookies and Hearts

It’s the 14 of February and I am a sucker for romance. So here’s my story.

If we were still together, we would have gotten off work early, go for dinner, kiss under the moonlight, enjoy the cool night breeze and profess our love to each other. I would have baked the nutella cookies you love so much and wrote you a love poem. You would have surprised me with something too.

But things don’t always go smoothly and this year, I still baked you the cookies that you love, crispy and in so many different shapes and sizes, except, i hid a heart-shaped one right in the middle. When i passed the box of cookies, you asked, “What is this for?” and my mind had so many answers but i said, ” I had a different recipe”. WHAT WAS THAT, JOY?!

I don’t know if he feels the same way i do, like we are still together, hearts interconnected but physically separated. I’m not sure how he feels cause he is just too good at hiding his real feelings. Does he still think of me? Does he miss me? Miss us? Does he think of all the great times we had with each other?

Okay, I was nervous. I was afraid that he would say something that would hurt or reject it. I was on the edge of just hugging him and saying ” I miss you, I can’t live without you.” I was a wreck inside, trying to stay cool on the outside. My chest was so empty when i left. I have been feeling so empty, like i’m missing my heart and forgot where i left it. I have never felt so…. vacant.

When i reached home, I took out my Jar of Love. A present he gave me for my birthday last year. It contained love messages which i could pick one every time i miss him or i felt sad. I haven’t took one out for a really long time cause the pain was so bad whenever i am reminded that he isn’t mine to hold, but today, I was a little more than sad and missing him terribly.

I held the jar in my hands, taking deep breaths, then opened it. Right at the top, sat a white heart, i picked it up and it read, “I miss your eyes, nose, lips, skin, cheeks, hair, smell, waist….” and i cried. I miss you too.

I gave him cookies and I gave him my heart too.

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